I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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