I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
