vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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