You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
