i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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