Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
