My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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