Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
