Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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