drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
