so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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