I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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