He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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