The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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