I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
