before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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