dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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