I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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