I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We have started to decorate penises.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
