hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the day after is always just damage control
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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