I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
