Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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