My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
