the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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