My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
