So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
