i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
