some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am one with the molecules
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
