i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
