I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
