I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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