i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
