yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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