we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
