It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
