White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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