Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
