I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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