Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
