remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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