I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
this is an emotional support booty call
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