just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you had me at cake vodka
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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