....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was like his penis was on wheels.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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