On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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