i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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