a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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