you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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