We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
