how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
