Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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