a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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