You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
