Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
