Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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