I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
