my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
