Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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