you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
