everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
