she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
