He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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