that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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