My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
