Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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