At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
